Having the Last Word
© Yehor Vlasenko | Dreamstime.com
✟Here should lie the body of John Mound
Lost at sea and never found.
✟The little hero that lies here
Was conquered by the diarrhea.
✟Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor
Who lived and died without a doctor.
✟When present useful, absent wanted
Lived respected, died lamented.
✟Death is a debt that's justly due,
That I have paid and so must you.
✟Grim death took me without any warning,
I was well one day, and stone dead the next morning.
✟God takes the good too good on earth to stay,
God leaves the bad too bad to take away.
✟The pale consumption gave the mortal blow.
The fate was certain although the event was slow.
✟He got a fishbone in his throat
And then he sang an angel's note.
✟Some have children others none,
Here lies the mother of twenty-one.
✟Ebenezer Dockwood aged forty-seven,
A miser and a hypocrite and never went to Heaven.
is Phebe Thorps.
✟Here lies a man never beat by a plan,
Straight was his aim and sure of his game,
Never was a lover but invented a revolver.
✟Here lies a man beneath this sod,
Who slandered all except his God,
And him he would have slandered too,
But that the God he never knew.
✟Here lies my wife in earthly mold,
Who when she lived did naught but scold.
Peace! wake her not, for now, she's still,
She had, but now I have my will.
And this is all that's left of thee
Thou fairest of earth's daughters.
Only four pounds of ashes white
Out of two hundred and three quarters.
These are part of a collection of epitaphs that was started by Susan Darling Safford, and published in ©1895. Ms. Safford searched all the graveyards near her Vermont home for quaint inscriptions upon old tombstones. She had a fondness for studying human eccentricity as revealed in whimsical epitaphs. This is part of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Quaint Epitaphs in the Public Domain. https://www.gutenberg.org/files/22518/22518-h/22518-h.htm