My Poems  

Unbridled Epitaphs

Having the Last Word

© Yehor Vlasenko |

✟Here should lie the body of John Mound

Lost at sea and never found.

✟The little hero that lies here

Was conquered by the diarrhea.

✟Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor

Who lived and died without a doctor.

✟When present useful, absent wanted

Lived respected, died lamented.

✟Death is a debt that's justly due,

That I have paid and so must you.

✟Grim death took me without any warning,

I was well one day, and stone dead the next morning.

✟God takes the good too good on earth to stay,

God leaves the bad too bad to take away.

✟The pale consumption gave the mortal blow.

The fate was certain although the event was slow.

✟He got a fishbone in his throat

And then he sang an angel's note.

✟Some have children others none,

Here lies the mother of twenty-one.

✟Ebenezer Dockwood aged forty-seven,

A miser and a hypocrite and never went to Heaven.

✟This corpse

is Phebe Thorps.

✟Here lies a man never beat by a plan,

Straight was his aim and sure of his game,

Never was a lover but invented a revolver.

✟Here lies a man beneath this sod,

Who slandered all except his God,

And him he would have slandered too,

But that the God he never knew.

✟Here lies my wife in earthly mold,

Who when she lived did naught but scold.

Peace! wake her not, for now, she's still,

She had, but now I have my will.

✟After cremation:

And this is all that's left of thee

Thou fairest of earth's daughters.

Only four pounds of ashes white

Out of two hundred and three quarters.


These are part of a collection of epitaphs that was started by Susan Darling Safford, and published in ©1895. Ms. Safford searched all the graveyards near her Vermont home for quaint inscriptions upon old tombstones. She had a fondness for studying human eccentricity as revealed in whimsical epitaphs. This is part of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Quaint Epitaphs in the Public Domain.


Recent Posts

See All